


10

by domo (aroceu)



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-16
Updated: 2010-09-16
Packaged: 2017-10-28 08:34:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroceu/pseuds/domo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten is not enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	10

Kyuhyun knows, in his mind, that Henry and Zhoumi are not part of Super Junior. They are in the Super Junior family, yes; they are in SJM. But although he has felt more comfortable towards newer members to their so-called “family”—mostly because he was the last one chosen—he has always felt closer to the original twelve.

Because they are a family. A thirteen-member family. Lucky number thirteen. Kyuhyun has never thought too much about the number—it was a universal superstition, he knew—but thirteen had always been a comfortable number to hi. Thirteen is the number they have been. Thirteen is the number they are. No more, no less.

It breaks his heart when he goes on stage, to see only nine men stand next to him.

 

 

 

 

Ryeowook is at Super Show 3, backstage, and Henry is chattering on to Amber next to him. But Ryeowook is not paying attention; the smile plastered on his face is far from the crying he does on the inside.

He thinks of Kibum, who lines him farther away from the maknae; he thinks of Hankyung, who only left, not because of his Super Junior—but because he wasn’t happy and Ryeowook only cares for his happiness. He thinks of Youngwoon, who is no more reckless than the rest of them, that Youngwoon is a respectable man, not because he is serving for his country, but because he is willing to leave the people he loves most, to find more people to love.

Three. Three of Super Junior has left. Ryeowook sarcastically and thinks how he will be number twelve. But that does not matter. Third time’s the charm.

 

 

 

 

Siwon doesn’t know if he should believe it, if he should tell himself that Super Junior is over. And he loves his brothers, loves them so much—he cares about all of them, Jungsu, Heechul, Hankyung, Jongwoon, Youngwoon, Donghee, Sungmin, Hyukjae, Donghae, Ryeowook, Kibum, Kyuhyun. He can name all of them in alphabetical order, age order, month order, all from the top of his head. And he knows that God is protecting all o them, even though his two closest have still not found God yet. And he, he loves them, he loves them all.

But he is not sure if he has enough faith. If he has enough faith in Super Junior. If really, the thirteen of them, if they will remain together.

 

 

 

 

Donghae doesn’t like to think, doesn’t like to think about Super Junior, about who they are. He does his best to distract himself, to get himself involved in other affairs, hanging out with other idol groups, lose himself on Twitter. He believes that the only way to happiness is ignoring that makes you happy.

So he does so. He ignores the pained looks on Jungsu’s face every time he talks about Youngwoon, ignores Siwon and Heechul and their updates with Hankyung. He’s learned to ignore any emotion in Kibum’s voice when he speaks with him, always replying to him with the same, balanced, cheerful tone.

He ignores the pain in his chest when he realizes that they are falling apart. He ignores his own heart breaking.

 

 

Hyukjae is a crybaby, a freaking crybaby, he’s sensitive to everything and loves everyone. And while people have said this is good, it is good for a man to show his emotions, he doesn’t want to, he hates it.

But when it comes to Super Junior, his heart gushes with so much love and fondness because he loves _everyone_ , he loves every one of them. And in happy times he does his best to show so, he laughs and smiles and plays along and his eyes twinkle in excitement.

But in fallen times his eyes lose their sparkle and rather than laughing, he is screaming, and his face is as blank as a paper. And though Hyukjae is a crybaby, he does not cry, because he has no energy, no emotion to cry.

 

 

 

 

Sungmin understands it very little when MCs on talk shows ask them about the missing members, and how do you feel? Not because he misses them or doesn’t miss them, but what business is it of theirs anyways?

He knows what the fans are saying. He knows what they’re all saying. They’re all saying Super Junior will break up. They’re all saying that one by one, they will all go into the military and then they will grow old, become to tired to still be a boy band.

Sungmin hates it. He doesn’t want to break up. He won’t let them break up. Even though he is a weak keystone among them, he can still hold them together. He will not let Super Junior cease, fall apart. He refuses to grow old.

 

 

 

 

Donghee smiles at the camera, waiting for his cue. The director gives it to him.

“Hello, and welcome to our show! I am Shindong, of Super Junior, a t-t-t—” He stares at the cue card.

The director mouths the word “ten.”

“—ten –member boy band! Today is November thir-thir-thir—”

The director mouths the word “thirteen.”

“—thirteen, and this is the premiere of our second episode! Please enjoy it! Thank you.”

Donghee hangs his head when the camera stops rolling. The director comes to him and pats him on the back.

“Come on, Shindong. Take a break.”

 

 

 

 

Jongwoon likes people, he likes talking to them and teaching them and making them laugh. And he hadn’t expected, in the beginning, that he’d become so close to Super Junior—but now they are more than people, they are his family.

Jongwoon does his best to care for them, to protect them, to love the, to comfort them when they are crying, gave massages, helped out with advice. And he knows that sometimes the words he says and the things he does doesn’t help, but just his mere presence does.

Jongwoon cares about all of the, for all of them. And he feels a hole in his heart when he remembers that they are not all here. His family is incomplete.

 

 

 

 

Heechul often hides his feelings, he hides who he is. He is talkative and loud , yes—but his emotion is always lined with sarcasm so it is hard to tell if he is serious.

But in the past six years of his life, he has found twelve men to break him open and see who he is on the inside. And he cherishes them; he is possessive of them all, not just because they are all each other’s, because they all love each other—but because they are his, they are only his.

And Heechul has always been to Hankyung, Youngwoon and Kibum. And it hurts him to feel that they are not his anymore.

 

 

 

 

Jungsu looks around him and sees the spirit of thirteen men. He sees thirteen men who love each other, all who are so close together, have been through pains together—Kyuhyun’s accident, the death of Donghae’s father, the physical and emotional pains that have brought them close. He sees thirteen strong men and thinks about how he loves those thirteen men, that despite all the hard work they are forced into, that in the end, they can smile and find refuge in each other.

Jungsu looks around him and sees ten men. He sees ten men, not thirteen—he sees each of them slowly crumbling away because they _are_ crumbling away, because who are they? They are Super Junior. And Super Junior is crumbling away, and so are they. And they are not thirteen anymore, but ten.

Jungsu looks around him and sees ten men. He sees ten men, but the spirit of thirteen men. But ten—ten is all he sees. Ten is all there is anymore. And ten—Jungsu knows that ten will never be enough.


End file.
